Stream of Consciousness

I got a letter today. . . inside of a card.  I'm elated!  This past week has been really really hard on me because I'm missing my soldier so much.  I think of him constantly on a normal day.  But these past several days, I'm on the verge of being obsessive. 

Where are we going to live?  Is he actually going into the reserves, or is he going straight into active duty?  If he is going active, I know all of the steps I need to follow for health insurance, getting my military ID, applying for housing, etc etc etc.  If he is going into the reserves, I have no idea what applies to me and my family.  If he is going active, is there a chance he could get stationed overseas?  I'd love to live overseas for awhile!  Will he get sent to a combat zone?  A safe zone?  Alaska?  Hawaii?  Will he have time for us?

Will I be able to handle it if after we are married, we get pregnant, and he gets called away for a year?  Will I be able to handle going through a pregnancy AND a birth without my husband?  Will he have a chance to know his child?

How long will he be in the service?  Will I like it?  Will I fit in with all of the other Army Wives?  I hope so.  But I know I can come off as a bitch a lot of times, maybe they won't like me.  Will I be able to find a job?  What kind of jobs will be offered where I'm going to live?  Can I get a job with the Army?  Am I up to the task of making my soldier look good in his superiors' eyes?  Absolutely!

Will my children adjust to him as a step father?  Will they accept his authority?  Will they love him?  He already loves them.  Will my ex put up a fight when I try to move with the kids?  Will they be traumatized by moving away from their father?  Am I going to hurt them by doing this?  I don't think so.  They are resilient.

All of this plus TONS more has been streaming through my head non-stop.  I guess I will have answers to some of these questions in time, but I don't like waiting!  I really need to work on my patience.  I'm an instant gratification sort of girl.